I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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