Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
