Don't you send me to vm
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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