EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
