I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
