Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
