Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
