I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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