We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
