He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
