maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What a dumb baby whore.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
