I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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