just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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