You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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