WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sext me about skeletons
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
