im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
