So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
