'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
