We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
