I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
