Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize