Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
