What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So. Much. Porn.
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