Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
