life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
