so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
