I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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