Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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