he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
