Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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