I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
