I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
