you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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