Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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