Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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