Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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