something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
