just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize