he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
