I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
