i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
