Already got asked if we're dating
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I could fuck to npr.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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