Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
