I just threw up on my dentist
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
