This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
