I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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