I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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