I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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