She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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