Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
