Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
