I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
