Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
