do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
