she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
