I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
