it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
