Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
