take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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