he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She needs sedatives and a leash
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
