Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
