I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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