I think I just saw someone hide a body.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're a waste of cheezeits
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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