My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
