if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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